George Strait - The Breath You Take [ New Video + Download ]

I love this song right now, to me this song hits home for me!!!! Life is hard right now, not just for me but for so many I love! I am so lost right now and don't really know how to find my way back to a real, happy, content, truthful place! I watch my kids struggle to find their place and today as I talked to Kennedy about meeting her future step mom my heart breaks for all the sad reality we have to live! I am sad that an addiction and poor choices have come in between our eternal family, although I try to stay positive and know that everything happens for a reason, I really question on days like today, "why us?" "what's out there for me?" I am so alone and spinning my wheels, and there is no worse feeling then like your all alone! On top of that to try to explain what is going on in a positive way to the kids, when all I want to do is scream, "I don't know why he decided to choose a bottle and a woman, over us" Oh just give me the strength to get through today, let me worry about tomorrow, tomorrow! I am so fortunate in so many ways! Yet, I am scared, I thought I found love again, I guess not so I am heartbroken, I don't know how to support my kids, and being a failure at yet another thing doesn't appeal to me right now! One of those days where I wonder how and if I will make it through this! Also since the divorce was finalized and Cary moved out 18 months ago I am starting to get the "I really want to be a part of a couple" bug again, even though I am no where near ready, I just want to take care of and be taken care of! How do you learn patience with so many questions and wanting someone/something that doesn't want you back! One of those, poor me days, but I will deal and move on, just a bad day! I do love this song and hope I can let it inspire me to take stock in what is really important!

School Starts.....Sanity Returns

Not that I don't love my children being around and enjoying summer, but by the time August rolls around, I am tired of the bickering, messy house, running all over, and spending money on extra activities! Kennedy starts her Sophmore year, Bailee is in 8th grade, and caboose Jarrett is in 2nd grade! I hope to get back into a routine, and organized! Life is crazy! On other hand the Divorce is finally done, finite, over, it has been a long, hard,lonely, emotional, crazy, horrible, exhilerating, unbearable ride, and it's finally OVER!!!! Sad....yes, it is hard for me to know I failed again at something so big, but I hope I can learn to love again and be loved, but we will see what life and love has to offer me! I have never been so happy, yet so sad at the same time, my heart hurts daily for my children and pray that they come through this as "normal" as possible!!! Love my life!!!! Good and Bad!!!!